…git-r-done

...pay no attention to the bare floor beneath the tree

Shhhh…Do you hear that in the not so far distance?  I do believe it’s the sound of sleigh bells and eight tiny reindeer.   That’s right kids, it’s one week and counting until the big day.

For about half of you I’d assume that means it’s going to be one week of crazy trips to the mall with the other half of the population that hasn’t finished shopping.

So for all of you procrastinators out there I thought I’d lend a hand with some helpful tips on last minute shopping:

1.) no eye contact…keep it impersonal.  In the real world, fights over the last pair of gloves on the rack don’t end with John Cusack spending years looking for you only to find you on the eve of his wedding to another woman.

2.) be prepared…just like the boy scouts.  An important thing to keep in mind, because although your procrastination has spared you the camping out experience of Black Friday, you’re still in for some tough conditions.  You’re going to need adequate nutrition and hydration to outmaneuver the other hunters, I mean shoppers, out there.

3.) be flexible…figuratively and literally, this is extreme crowd weaving season people.  One misstep could mean the difference between seeing the joy on little Sally’s face as she unwraps her electronic hamster on Christmas morning and the look of defeat on your face as you watch from the end of the aisle as some other crazed shopper walks off with little Sally’s battery-operated rodent. So stay limber and always have a back-up plan (a real hamster’s just as fun right?).

In addition to these three guidelines I’ll also remind you that it is the holiday season, so remember to say pardon me as you plow down the other customers.  Godspeed fellow procrastinators.

And in all seriousness: Disclaimer:  This blog does not promote the use of physical violence at shopping centers (or anywhere else).  It does however promote a sense of humor and fighting over gloves with leading Hollywood men, assuming that it does in fact result in the plot of a romantic comedy (and not a restraining order).

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to get to Macy’s before they close.

…bi-daily smile…

let’s not forget the real message of the season…seriously

…Hang Tight

Don't go into the light!

As I’m sure you’ve surmised from the title and artwork for today’s blog, it’s time for another chapter in the Eddie Saga.

It’s been a little while since the last Eddie update.  If you need a refresher, or if (gasp!) you haven’t read parts one and two, here are some links to help you catch up: part 1 and part 2.  I’ll wait…

Ready?  Okay, then I’ll begin…

When last we heard from Eddie he was on a rescue mission to Vermont with thousands of his closest friends.  As it turns out the situation wasn’t quite as dire as previously thought (oops).  In fact, all of Eddie’s family and friends are still alive and well and hibernating in the caves of Vermont (and a bit peeved they got woken up).

Eddie did contemplate spending the winter in Vermont, but he just couldn’t bring himself to miss out on winter in Wisconsin.

As you already know Eddie is a huge sports fan.  Earlier this year he got an only slightly spine shattering high five from one of his basketball heroes, Manu Ginobili.

Being a bat from the north, Eddie’s heart truly lies with winter sports.  And what sport says winter more than hockey (sorry curling fans).

This past week, as an early Christmas present to himself, and to celebrate the fifth night of Chanukah, Eddie bought tickets to see his favorite junior hockey team, the Green Bay Gamblers take on the Cedar Rapids RoughRiders.

After what happened at the Spurs game, Eddie promised himself that he would stay in his seat and just watch the game.  Well, that didn’t happen.   Eddie is more a hands on kind of sports fan, and lets just say things got a little out of hand.  By that I mean, he made the local news that night and the national news by Wednesday:Bat on the ice.

Lucky for Eddie, he got some ice on those bruises right away.  It was touch and go for a little while.  He’s small and mighty, but he took quite a beating.

For now, Eddie is recuperating and lying low while this whole thing blows over (hopefully, that restraining order was just talk).  He’s going to let PETA work it all out.

With any luck, Eddie will be fully recovered and off on his next adventure in no time.  Until then, hang tight.

…capture the moment

...damn paparazzi

I take a lot of pictures.  I’m my family’s own, personal paparazzi.  My specialty are candid photos (most of which are actually candid).

I know that when they say, “Stop putting the camera in my face,” they really mean, “Thank you for capturing each and every second of this incredibly significant moment in time.”

Whether that significant moment be Thanksgiving dinner, graduation, a birthday celebration, watching television, brushing your teeth, eating, spacing out, I am there to capture it.

So when I came across this story yesterday I was both confused and disappointed.  A large bird of prey got caught in a Washington D.C. Metro escalator Monday.  The everyone (including the bird) was OK, so the story was kind of a fun random one.  But here’s the kicker,  no one got a picture.  Well, at least no one who was smart enough to release and or post the photo.

I would first like to applaud the style of this particular staff writer at The Washington Post who covered this story. Your writing has personality, yet you still got all of the basic facts across.  That is, all of the basic facts with the exception of what kind of bird it was.

Maybe my expectations are too high here.  I admit I wouldn’t know a falcon from an eagle if it dove right in my face or right in the escalator in front of me, but I find it hard to believe that no one had a camera phone?!?!

What is the point of the impending technology created isolation if no one can even take the time to tweet a photo of the giant bird trapped in the Metro escalator?  Really, people!  I suppose you all were too busy saving the poor creature.

An act, which according to the previously stated witty staff writer, you may have chosen over saving a small child.  Like I said before, I applaud her on style, but on the list of “Things You Don’t Assume in Journalism” right after the all important EVERYTHING, I’m pretty sure it says something akin to “don’t assume that anyone who wouldn’t save a small child from an escalator would dive at the chance to save a large bird of prey from said escalator.”

Here’s the above referenced excerpt:

“Commuters who might have watched in silence if, say, a small child got gobbled up in the escalator, shrieked and rushed to protect the bird.”

I want to make it clear, I think this writer’s style is awesome.  She manages to add personality to this story and still tell all of the known facts.  But this is quite the assumption/insinuation.  Maybe it’s just me.  I’ll let you decide.  Here’s the whole story: The Washington Post

And to conclude: Really?!?! Not one camera phone? How about an iPod Nano (those have cameras now right?)?  What about those Flip things that are plastered all over the Red Line station? Or perhaps an actual camera?

…bi-daily smile…

“For the Birds”

…Stay On The Wagon (or Sleigh)

About as strong as you should go when leaving beverages for Santa.

Controversy is brewing up north as Christmas approaches, and I’m not talking about the North Pole.

A Canadian holiday ad campaign for Labatt Blue’s de-alcoholized beer is upsetting some Santa snack traditionalists.

The offending ad reads: Leave one out for Santa.  He’s driving.

I guess the concern is that children across Canada will abandon the traditional milk and cookies, and run to the nearest convenience store to pick up a Labatt’s six-pack for Santa.

Personally, I think Santa might appreciate a little more variety in his holiday snacks.

Reactions range from outraged to completely indifferent, or if you prefer, they range from “I have grandchildren and great-grandchildren” to “I’m a college student who just wants to go the convenience store to buy a case of beer.”

Still, many Canadians are upset by the ad, claiming that it’s not an appropriate message for children (because that’s who the ad is targeting).

Labatt spokesperson Catherine Pringle has defended the ad, saying that it is reminding people not to drink and drive.

Seems reasonable enough, but Alan Middleton, a marketing professor at the Schulich School of Business at York University, does bring up a good point.

“They’re stating that you can have a beer and you’re still safe to drive, but they can’t control how many of those 0.5% beers people consume,” Middleton said.

With a population of approximately 33 million (give or take a couple 100 thousand), if every Canadian household leaves a de-alcoholized beer for Santa he’ll be flying without the help of his reindeer by the time he makes it to the states.

On second thought, maybe we should all just stick with the milk and cookies, Santa can have a well deserved cold one when he gets back to the workshop.

The Whole Story: A Cold One For Santa

…apprendre quelque chose de nouveau

...it's a snap

I was considering the title of …herdederdeder, but it occurred to me that only two people (literally, you know who you are) would get that reference, so I skipped it.

But I’m not one to completely waste comedic moments.  So, let me explain.

I love all things French (painting, food, music, etc.).  So obviously, when it came time to pick a foreign language in high school I chose la langue francaise.

I went on to take five years of French, for multiple reasons:

1.) it’s a beautiful language/culture…anyone who’s seen my apartment knows it’s an homage to Paris.

2.) my high school and university made me.

3.) I can’t roll my R’s.  That flemmy sound that the French make with their R’s I’ve got it down pat, but the rolling thing you need for Spanish…I sound like a bad impersonation of a car that won’t start.  Hence, herdederdeder…

So…what’s the point?…Flash forward to this past weekend when I “re-taught” (really she wasn’t snapping before, but I’ll be kind) a friend how to snap(My apologies to the other people on the Red Line, but we’ve all been a part of the “obnoxious” group on the train).

At the moment I was floored that no one had told her that snapping is supposed to make a sound.  But then I thought of my R’s (of course, I’ve always know I’m not supposed to sound like a busted engine), and of all the times that people don’t get my references.

And I realized something.  Yes, I’m usually shocked when people don’t get my references (because they’re a part of my life everyday), but I love teaching people how to snap/explaining who Nathan Lane and Dame Judi Dench are (not obscure references for most, but there are exceptions to every rule, and I love them).

But even more than that I love learning about the references that go over my head (yes, it happens).  And I love being taught how to roll my R’s (even though it’s a lost cause).

So, here’s to incorrect snapping, broken down cars, lost references, and  ultimately not knowing everything (yet)…life’s more fun that way.

…bi-daily smile…

some professional snapping: 1 2

…Let the Cat Out of the Bag

When the owners are away the cats will play!

The jig is up for house cats.  Thanks to a study conducted by Friskies brand cat food, we finally know what they’re really up to when left to their own devices.

According to the study about 50 percent of the cat owners surveyed are curious about what their cats do when they’re away, and 71 percent of them think their cat just sleeps all day.

To find out the answer fifty felines participated in a special focus group.  For one week, whenever their owners weren’t home, they wore cameras that snapped a photo every 15 minutes.

The study found that cats spent about 22 percent of their time staring out of windows; 13 percent in their living rooms; and 12 percent with other animals.  They spent the rest of their time sitting, starring, eating, walking, running, climbing, and sleeping.

Isn’t that fascinating?  Not really, but don’t worry I’ve conducted my own study to find out what the cameras missed.  Here’s what cats do with the rest of their day:

• Chase and/or plot against yellow canaries with abnormally large heads
• Chase and/or plot against brown mice with abnormally large ears
• Dress up in a hat, bow tie and white gloves, and break into the houses of children who have been left home alone
• Shoot funny videos and post them online
• Re-enact scenes from their favorite Andrew Lloyd Webber musical (and occasionally some “Les Mis”)
• Catch up on their reading
• Brainstorm on solutions for global issues (hunger, health care, global warming, etc.)
• Sit in the sun and stare at floating specks of dust (even cats need some down time)

And you thought that you’re cat just slept while you were away.

Please keep in mind that these results do not necessarily apply to all house cats, since different cats have different personalities.  Also, on a few rare occasions one of the test subjects was seen donning a white stripe, and being pursued by a neighborhood skunk.

…more information on Friskies’ findings: Cat Study

…supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

..."better use it carefully or it could change your life"

I know I have previously mentioned my adoration for Kristen Chenoweth, Sutton Foster, the “Glee” cast, and other musical theater icons.

But today I’d like to take a moment to share my love for and some amazing news about the woman who came before (in my heart and chronologically) all of these wonderful performers.

I’m sure many of you have already guessed who it is.  But for those who haven’t, I’m going to mess with you a bit longer.

So, ”Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.  When you read you begin with ABC.  When you sing you begin with” …Dame Julie Andrews.

I could bore you with my own personal love letter to my first musical theater idol, but her work speaks for itself.

So, while I’d like to think that the following list is merely a nostalgic reminder for all of you, I’m also throwing this in for those of you scratching your heads/looking up Julie Andrews on Google, but shame on you.

Amongst many others, some of her better known (and beloved by me) roles are Mary Poppins in “Mary Poppins,” Maria in “The Sound of Music,”  Eliza Doolittle in the Original Broadway Cast of “My Fair Lady” (I know Audrey Hepburn was Eliza in the movie, don’t get me started, and I’m crossing my fingers about Keira Knightley in the remake, tangent finished), Guenevere in “Camelot,” Millie Dillmount in “Thoroughly Modern Millie” (I have to interject again to give some love to Sutton Foster who re-created the role on Broadway), and Cinderella in “Cinderella.” You get the picture.

And for those of you who only get contemporary pop-culture references, she was the queen in “Princess Diaries 1 and 2,” and Fiona’s mother in “Shrek 2 and 3.”  Oh, and shame on you too.

If you still have no idea who this woman is, I am so so so sorry, but there’s nothing I can do for you.  Good luck.

Now, I’m getting to the amazing news.  But first, some background.  Back in 1997, while having surgery to remove nodes from her vocal chords (it happens when you sing A LOT), there was a mishap that left her unable to sing, at least not with much range.  I know that 10 year old me was devastated, so I can only imagine the tragedy it was for Julie Andrews herself, to lose her singing voice.

But now, 12 years later, Julie Andrews will sing again.  I’ll give you all a moment to cheer and cry (I did when I heard this).

I’m not a doctor, so I can’t explain how or why, but thanks to a new therapy/procedure Julie Andrews can sing again and will in London, in May.

So to everyone else who grew up on Mary Poppins, Eliza Doolittle, and Maria Von Trapp, I say, let’s cross our fingers for a resulting tour, or better yet, a return to Broadway.

…bi-daily smile…

two of my “favorite things“

and because “when trying to express oneself it’s frankly quite absurd to leap through lengthy lexicons…”: supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (funny spell-check didn’t like that one)

more background: Julie Andrews talking about losing her singing voice.

the full story: New York Daily News

…Light A Fire

Full disclosure up front, I’m about as Jewish as a bacon wrapped shrimp (a little kosher humor for you), but I’m not going to let that stop me from celebrating the beginning of Chanukah.

For those of you who don’t know, Chanukah (or Hanukkah if you prefer) begins tonight at sundown, and continues for eight nights.

This year is especially important, this year Chanukah finally joins the ranks of Christmas.  This year war has been declared on Chanukah.

For years, christians have had to deal with the merciless onslaught of “Happy Holidays.”  Fighting an uphill battle, they’ve bravely soldiered on year after year, scoffed at and scorned for wishing others a “Merry Christmas.”

We’ve had to console ourselves with our national holiday, countless Christmas specials, and our recordings of Bing Crosby’s rendition of “Silent Night.”

It’s been a tough run, but finally someone else understands.

The White House recently made a snafu on their Chanukah party invites.  They had the audacity to refer to the party as a “holiday reception.”

Since this is your first year of dealing with this sort of holiday issue, you may not be sure how to correctly respond to this kind of slight.  Here are some guidelines:

1. Assume that this is a personal attack on you and all that you believe in.  If you can make it about religion that’s even better.
2. Start making really general statements like, “It’s things like this that contribute to our country’s rapidly declining morals.”  Honestly, this statement doesn’t even have to make sense.  It just has to sound angry.
3. The last step is a simple one, but critical.  You have to officially declare this minor infraction as an attack or war on your holiday of choice.  In this case it happens to be Chanukah.

You might have noticed that I already took care of the last step for you.  You’re welcome, and welcome to the major leagues of the Christmas season.  Sorry, not quite ready to give up the battle over naming rights.

…check it twice

...aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!

Amongst other things, it has become clear to me that the holidays are a season of polar opposites: good or bad, presents or coal, naughty or nice, white or green Christmas, you’re jolly or you’re a grinch.

Santa, you should be ashamed of yourself.  Where does the division end?!?!

OK, finished with the overreaction.

Not to be outdone by Father Christmas, Comcast got in on the battle lines by releasing a list of best and worst holiday films.  Clearly they wanted me to add a few bullet points to my list of reasons I don’t like them.

While I applaud and agree with most of the “good” movies: “White Christmas,” “It’s a Wonderful Life,” “The Nightmare Before Christmas,” “A Muppet Christmas Carol,” “Meet Me in St. Louis” (yes it’s a Christmas film).  I also question a few others: “Gremlins” and “Die-Hard,” to name a few.  I’m not questioning their quality, just their “holiday-ness.”

Now for the “bad” movie list.  Children of the 90’s I’m warning you I’m about to shock you with some of the movies on this list.  Prepare yourselves.  Think happy thoughts.  OK, here goes: “The Grinch” (with Jim Carrey), “Home Alone 2” and “The Santa Clause.”

Oh Ron Howard, Macaulay Culkin, and Bernard, I am weeping for you.  These films that hold nothing but happy holiday memories for children across the globe, were deemed “bad.”

There were others on the list that deserved this designation (never even heard of “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” but I’m trusting them on this one).

But in a season known for charity and goodwill can’t we throw a bone to the movies that make it memorable (for better or worse)…I mean, come on, throw Michael Keaton a bone (that’s right “Jack Frost” also on the “bad” list).

Comcast’s List

…bi-daily smile…

greatest “Glee” moment so far…I cried…a little

A few great holiday movie moments:

“A Christmas Story”

“Christmas Vacation“

…See If It Sticks

The mercury is falling, and that can mean only one thing (other than it’s frickin cold outside).  The season of the triple-dog dare is upon us.

Despite brave Flick’s infamous demonstration of what happens when you stick your tongue to a metal pole when the temperature is below freezing, there are still those who need to experience the pain and humiliation for themselves.

Already this year, a 10-year-old boy in Boise, Idaho and a 13-year-old girl in Spokane, Washington have learned this lesson the hard way.  Both survived with their tongues intact.

Another boy, who tried to disprove this fact last year, made an enlightening statement about his experience, “I decided to try it because I thought all of the TV shows were lies, but turns out I was wrong.”

There you have it, straight from the horse’s mouth (or the fourth grader’s mouth).  That should end this debate once and for all.

Who am I kidding?  As long as there are 10-year-olds there will be at least one of them willing to take up that triple-dog dare and test their luck with the flag pole.

Plus, what would childhood be without those wild stories about the weird kid that got stuck to the flag pole?

If you still have your doubts about this whole tongue sticking business, please feel free to stick your tongue to the next metal pole you see when the temperature drops below 32 degrees Fahrenheit.

I’d suggest having the local fire department ready to go on speed dial.  Unless you want some extra time to ponder the high thermal conductivity of metal.

Oh, and another tip, as long as you’re stuck there I wouldn’t suggest trying to tear your tongue away by yourself.  It will come off, but so will part of your tongue.  Hot water should help, or you can wait until spring.

More on the annual homage to “A Christmas Story.”

…did you really think there wouldn’t be a clip from the film?  Here you go: A Christmas Story